Fun with Google, Part I

Sometimes I am amused...and scared...at the Google searches that lead to my blog.

Allow me to share with you some of my favorites:

"Abiguously shallow"--Okay, first of all, the "m" is not silent in "ambiguous" unless you're sporting a cold and/or are a complete dumb ass.  But since this search term comes up frequently, I'll have to assume this person (God, I hope it's not more than one) just...doesn't get it. I'm assuming said person also doesn't know the meaning of this word and fails to understand the meaning behind most of my posts.

"I vacuum outside"--well, yes, it's true, I do.  I'm hoping this search wasn't by someone who was trying to convince him/herself that vacuuming outside doesn't indicate neurosis.  Because, well, normal people don't vacuum outside.

"asses hot body"--why thank you, Google.  My mirror does not agree, but I thank you nonetheless.


"First person bikini shoot myself"--um, this directly contradicts "assess hot body" (see above), so fuck off, Google.  And for the record, I don't look that bad in a bikini.  As long as you keep your eyes shut.

"Fucked in rain boots"--I'm just not even going to touch this one.

"John Deere tattoos"--um, really?  First, I am not a tattoo girl.  Second, even if I were, my family does not do green.  We are a solid Case International and Ford/New Holland family.  My dad bought a John Deere tractor once and sold it five months later even though it meant he would lose a few thousand dollars.  Wearing anything supporting John Deere is punishable by death in my family.

"pictures of true cowgirls"--well, thank you, but I'm not really a cowgirl.  You see, cowgirls can rope cows and run barrels.  I can do neither, though I do drive a fierce tractor...which makes me a farm girl, not a cowgirl.  There's a difference.

"woman bikini tractor"--so a little known fact is that my sisters and I used to farm in our bikinis.  This was fantastic in eliminating the dreaded farmer tan and also for developing skin cancer and/or wrinkles at a young age.  My dad did not approve of this, and he made us cover up when the local polygamists came to buy hay from him.  True story.