The devil is in the details. Or the label, as the case may be.
In other words, here's your motherfucking sign, trick.
I told myself I'd be a responsible adult drinker for the Super Bowl. I'd limit myself to two drinks, eat only the food I really liked, and wake up with no regrets.
Instead I gorged myself on chocolate cake, got the spins, puked it all up, and woke up wanting to kill whoever the fuck designed that bottle of skinny margarita mix.
You see, I did limit myself to two drinks.
Two drinks (only 100 kcal each, -1500 kcal if you count the calories I lost after I puked that shit back up), so it made no sense at all that I missed the first two quarters, the half-time show, and all the delicious food my husband grilled because I was on the bathroom floor cursing the day the Jose Cuervo was born. I managed to stumble outside (we moved a TV out there for the game), hold my head up long enough to watch the last quarter and soak up the remaining alcohol with a frozen corn dog. In short, I missed all the best things about the Super Bowl: the food, the possibility of some nip action during the half-time show, and the endless shit-talking.
I ONLY HAD TWO DRINKS.
What the shit, Karma?
It wasn't until everyone had left and we were cleaning that Scott eyed the bottle of margarita mix I'd been pouring from. It was mostly still there. Like I said, two drinks.
He eyed the bottle of tequila I'd been mixing in with the margarita juice. Again, mostly still there. The obvious conclusion is that I had been slipped some sort of date-rape drug.
Or, you know, that I hadn't bothered to read the label of the margarita mix, which clearly stated that the mix ALREADY CONTAINED ALCOHOL.
I poisoned myself. I added alcohol to a drink that was already 9.8% alcohol. Mother fucker.
I only had two drinks, but there is not enough coffee in the world to undo yesterday. The Monday after Super Bowl, which I had planned to spend happily thinking of rainbows and not being hungover, is turning out to be the biggest asshole of all.
1 comment:
I am so sorry for your hangover but I laughed my ass off. That is so something I could have done. I had a very similar thing happen to me New Years Eve with some sort of horrific spiced vodka...and why I was drinking vodka at all still remains a mystery to me. Let us just say....January 1st truly sucked. Hope you are feeling better and thank you so much for the laugh!!!!
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