Halloween Style

If I can't dress up like a slut, I'm just not going to dress up. 

I can't remember the last time I actually had a Halloween costume.

Actually, that's not true.  I do remember.  It was probably five years ago, and I dressed as a cheerleader (like the professional slutty kind with long white boots, not the high school kind with pigtails) and went to the bar with my friends, Slut Bo Peep and Slut Red Riding Hood:

We had lots of shots.

From what I remember, it was fun (I don't remember much).

Last year, I sat at home and tried not to eat all the candy.

At least I decorated nicely.

I love fall, mostly because I love to decorate and burn cinamon and pumpkin candles so we can all pretend I just baked an apple pie (I mean, I do make a mean apple pie.  I used to make them every day and get baked with friends and eat it with ice cream and not gain any weight because those were the days.  I miss college).
I walk around the neighborhood and spot the occasional tree with non-green leaves.  I think about how much I love this time of year and the onset of winter. 

And then I change into my bikini and work on my tan because this is fall in SoCal and it's hot as a motherfucker.

But I digress.

The point is, someone in my hood has this hanging near the front of their house:

I would have crapped my pants, but then I saw this, mere feet from the scariest monster of my dreams:

And then I judged the people, because Halloween can't be both scary and cute.  Pick one.

You see, I totally pick scary:

What's scarier than spiders with sequins and pumpkins that look just right against a fire on a cold (I wish) fall night?

If you answered "um, everything, bitch!", you are dead to me.

Happy Halloween!