Top 5 Reasons Halloween Blows

What's the Halloween version of Scrooge, because I am just not feeling Halloween this year.  Here are the top reasons why:

5.  I made an effort to dress up, which is to say I wore this:

All day long, people asked me what my costume was.  Um, if you don't know what this costume is, you're stupid.  See also:  I'm stupid.  I have no idea what I was supposed to be, I just really like the headband, okay.  But it sure did get annoying trying to explain that.

4.  I bought an essload of candy.  I ate an essload of candy.  My tummy hurts and my pants won't zip.

3.  Unfortunately, Halloween is not an actual holiday from school.  Trying to teach distributive property to a bunch of wankers hyped up on sugar?  Not a good Monday.

2.  I don't do pumpkin carving.  It smells weird and takes way too long, and I suck at details.

1.  Passing out candy to strange kids?  Meh.  Back in the country, it's cool because you know everyone and you're genuinely excited to see their costumes.  Here?  They're just random free loaders in half-assed costumes that have no business trick-or-treating (seriously, shouldn't there be a law passed about cut-off age?) who are judging you by how good your candy is. 

Good god, since when am I so angry?