On #selfies

#selfie

The word of the year for 2013. The tag line on a sweatshirt at Target that I almost bought...until I realized I'm not 12 and it would be less funny and more clinging-desperately-to-this-side-of-20, which I have no business doing (mostly because I've judged others for that very same thing. Being judgmental can really come back to haunt you).

Selfies are what has caused me to deem countless girls in my social media stream as attention whores. Needy. Desperate to be loved. Because nothing screams "daddy issues!" like a timeline full of selfies.

And then someone told me that I was posting an awful lot of selfies (even though I myself never took the shots, so I didn't technically think they were what qualified as a selfie. Wasn't I exempt? Apparently not).

Hold up. I'm not that girl. I don't need attention that way, the way you angle your arms just so to squeeze your boobs together to create maximum cleavage so everyone can know how desirable you are. I'm not the girl with a barely-there-but-still-blatantly-obvious duckface (BANG, bitch!) or, worse, the attempt at the sultry supermodel look which usually results in the average girl looking less sultry and more in-need-of-some-serious-fiber-and/or-laxatives. I'm not the girl who puts a pic of myself on Twitter/Instagram/maybe Facebook with some sort of unrelated caption ("Good morning, everyone!" "Just wanted to thank all my family and friends for being there for me!" "So thankful for our soldiers!"etc...) that does not at all disguise the good, old-fashioned, subtle plea for "you're so pretty!" comments.

Except...maybe I am?

Let's be honest. I put in a lot of effort on my physical appearance. Aside from hair/skin maintenance and shopping, there's all the time I spend. Because I had no choice after hitting my mid-30s, I work hard in the kitchen. I spend at least an hour a day prepping my food, plus three hours on the weekend. I spend at least an hour a day at the gym, log at least 20 miles a week running the lake by my house.

In short, I'm in the best shape of my life and I feel good about myself. And then, after reading this article, I thought...so what?

So what if I want to show off all the work I put in? So what if I want to show off my new boots or my new sweater or my conveniently tight new Chargers tank?

Does it make me needy? Does it make me an attention whore? Maybe.

But does it define me? Does it mean that's all there is to me?

Maybe to some, but we'll leave that where it belongs...in a small, shallow corner of the Internet (I'm looking at you, random male Instagram followers who never like posts that don't involve my rack). Those who really know me (and unless you've spent significant amounts of time with me in real life you really don't) know I am vain about my looks, but I also pride myself on other things: my brain, my creativity, the astonishing rate at which I can solve algebraic equations, the ability to be compassionate about everything while at the same time being completely self-absorbed.

I spend much more time and energy meditating, writing, mentoring teens, growing spiritually, and exercising my brain than I do improving and/or maintaining my looks.

My point is...I've changed my mind. I think it's okay to enjoy getting attention for your looks, as long as you know that's what it's for, that you know that looks are not all that define you. As long as you don't blow up my Facebook feed with selfie, selfie, food pic, selfie, duckface, etc. A timeline full of selfies doesn't get cancelled out with one or two food pics thrown in for good measure. Also, selfies are better left to Instagram and Twitter. Your mom and people from high school--those who typically make up your FB friends--don't really care about your picture. They're not their to fill in the void where self-acceptance should go,  they're using social media as a way to keep in contact that doesn't involve real life.

Just don't post a picture with some unrelated caption in an attempt to disguise what your selfie really is: a desire to feel pretty or appreciated or whatever. Accept it. Own it. Feel it. Enjoy it.

And then post a pic of your food, kids, or dog, maybe a pic of your hobby or the sunrise for good measure, and be done for a while.

p.s....if you haven't had the pleasure of my many #selfies on Instagram, here you go.