There's a difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is, well, punishing the person (grounding, spanking, etc) for something they've done wrong. Discipline means teaching.
This morning, I ran across this gem of a punishment. In case you haven't seen this, these parents made their 13 year-old-daughter stand on the street for 90 minutes that read: "I'm a self-entitled teenager with no respect for authority. I'm also super smart, yet I have 3 D's because I DON'T CARE!"
Ugh.
First...can this public humiliation (in the name of "discipline") end already? All a stint like this does is make me think the parents want the world to know that they're tough parents, see how they're making their child do something so humiliating? They must be awesome parents, right? No. Keep your family business in the family home. Know how the world knows how bad-ass you are as parents? By the way your children behave.
Second...these, apparently, are regular church-goers. So then I wonder: are they sleeping during church? Because there's a very common saying in the Bible: you reap what you sow. They have failed to connect with that message. Children are a product of their environment, and the way they act is a reflection of what they've been taught. So...if your daughter doesn't respect authority, gets bad grades, and acts "self-entitled" (um, that's not a real word, by the way), it's because that's what she's been taught--wait for it--by her parents.
Third...this girl is 13. She's a teenager. Guess what kids do at that age? They test their limits! Of course she's going to test authority. And it's not uncommon for grades to drop at that age. She's finding herself as a person. This is an excellent time for parents to discipline (NOT punish) their children....teach them desirable behaviors. Guide them to make the right choices. Teach them why they should respect authority, why good grades matter.
By publicly humiliating your child, you are doing nothing more than punishing her. Sure, you might be teaching her to stop a behavior, but are you teaching her how to start new, more desirable behavior?
Stop blaming your child and start looking at yourself as an adult. Kids are kids, it is our job as adults to teach, guide, and lead them in the right direction.
2 comments:
My daughter is 12. She also has 3 D's. The most I can bring myself to do shame-wise (and that's what I consider these parents doing (although, there have been other, similar instances where I've actually agreed w/the tactic)) is tell my father because OH NOOOOOOO Grandpops thinks I'm failing.
"Stop blaming your child and start looking at yourself as an adult. Kids are kids, it is our job as adults to teach, guide, and lead them in the right direction."
Amen. A thousand times, amen.
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