Baby steps...not real babies, of course, because I'm still not ready to go there.

I have about 10,000 friends who are planning weddings right now. And every time one of them talks about her wedding, I feel like she's junk punching me. Because nothing says "you're a failure" like having a friend who meets a guy, gets engaged, and finishes planning her wedding all in the time it took you to set your own wedding date.

And I know the lack of planning is my own fault and that those other girls aren't intentionally trying to make me feel bad. They're just caught up in their own excitement about their big day.

Or they're just bitches. The jury is still out on that one.

I am so incompetent at getting married. The only thing that I remotely care about on my wedding day is what I'm going to look like in my dress and if people will talk about it for years ex post facto.

So I randomly contacted a photographer friend about taking wedding pictures. She said she'd do the wedding, but that it might be risky because weddings aren't really her specialty.

Is this bad?

Don't answer that. I don't care. I know everyone says you shouldn't skimp on your wedding pictures, but I'm not skimping. I'm sure she's wonderful. And it's not price I'm trying to skimp on, it's me having to do much planning part that I'm trying to avoid.

So am I okay with the fact that weddings aren't really her specialty? Yep.

Am I okay with the fact that I probably won't have decorations at my own wedding unless my mom and her crafty friends intervene? Fuck yes.

Am I okay with my bridesmaids not having matching dresses? Um, hello. Everyone's going to be looking at me, anyway, so why should I care what they're wearing?

The point is, I've set wheels in motion to take care of the absolute essentials, which is baby steps, but steps nonetheless, and for that, I'm rather proud of myself.

Because, when you think about it, if setting a date, finding a dress, and talking to a photographer all in 15 months' time isn't effing amazing, then I don't know what is.