A small part of me died this year on Christmas. My mom, the anti-Christ, informed me that I will no longer be spoiled for Christmas since I'll be married next year.
Such a load of crap. I mean, I know some people believe that Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ, but not me. I celebrate Christmas for the sole purpose of receiving gifts.
What's the point of the Holidays if I'm only going to receive, like, 3 presents?
I should just cancel Christmas, but I'm going to cancel being married instead. I can't actually cancel the wedding, because I already bought an amazing dress and I can't let it go to waste.
But that doesn't mean I have to stay married. Which is why I'm busy planning my divorce.
Clearly this is the right thing to do. Because my mom loves giving presents, and I love receiving them. I must sacrifice my marriage or the delicate balance of our mother/daughter relationship will be forever ruined.
This is my happily-ever-after. That bitch Cinderella was confused. Being happy doesn't depend on having a Prince Charming, it depends on having mother who gives lots and lots of presents.
4 comments:
It's so nice to know you have your priorities in order. ;-)
Clearly you are making the right decision.
You can only have one mom. Husbands are a dime a dozen. Good thinking.
Well, thank God you came to your senses in time. And don't fret about having to return the wedding gifts. How many toasters does anyone really need?
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