Black (and sometimes blue) Friday

How did I survive this long in my life without ever participating in Black Friday?

Um, sanely. AND with both eyes intact.

Wowsers. I can't believe nobody got hurt in all the madness. I mean, I saw a guy almost get his eye poked out. It wasn't on purpose, though, so it totally doesn't count as violence. But, had someone stood in the way of me and that $5 Belgian waffle maker at 4 o'clock in the fucking morning, someone might have left with one less tooth in their grill.

Thankfully no one did, and we can eat our waffles in peace. You know, just in case we ever actually make waffles for breakfast.

So Kohl's was our first stop, and waking up at 3:45 AM, combined with massive amounts of people getting in my way rapidly drained all of my will to live. By 4:28 I was ready to go back to bed and die.

But we HAD to hit up The Home Depot, which didn't open until 6. We arrived 10 minutes early and waited in line in the freezing cold, which my flip-flops and I did not at all appreciate. It was worth it, I guess, as we got our $20 shop vac. Never mind the fact that we ALREADY HAVE a shop vac. I guess you can never have enough shop vacs. Question mark.

I'm cool with it, though, because what it means is the boys can simultaneously vacuum the front and back patios. Success.

We hit up a couple other stores, which are mostly a blur of arguments and complaining. What amazed me more than nobody getting hurt, though, was the fact that people were completely dressed for the occasion and HAPPY to be there.

Oh hell no. This bitch? This bitch wore her pajamas and talked mad trash at anyone who dared to dress appropriately for being out in public or smile.

I've vowed to never do Black Friday again, but then again, I also don't know what kind of deal awaits me next year. Because if I can get another vacuum for $20, then my life will be complete and I'm all over that mess.