Some might call me a judgemental bitch. This is not news to me.
Nor is it necessarily an untruth.
This has not always been the case. In fact, for the majority of my life, I was the opposite. A doormat. A person too weak to stand up for herself. A person too weak to leave a man who was, for all intents and purposes, a giant asshole.
I had such little love for myself, in fact, that if someone made a comment about not liking the shirt I was wearing, it would depress me for days.
And I was never upfront with people. I would only tell them what they wanted to hear, even if it wasn't the truth. Because I didn't want to hurt any body's feelings, risk anyone not liking me.
But I am the exact opposite now. I have accepted myself as I am. I am no longer weak or sensitive. If someone tells me they don't like my shirt, I tell them to fuck off.
Which means maybe I haven't quite found a happy medium yet. But being secure with myself is a new concept to me, one I've been enjoying for the past couple of years. One I want to keep enjoying.
I don't want to apologize for being myself, for being a person who is not afraid to be honest with the people I truly care for. I do not have a malicious intent to hurt those I love, I strive only to be honest when I feel they need a dose of reality. Even if it's harsh.
Because I'd want them to do the same for me.
And to that end, for now, I won't bite my tongue. Maybe it doesn't make me the nicest person. But right now, being nice is not my goal. Being honest and up-front is.
And I have absolutely no problems with that.
6 comments:
The person you used to be sounds a lot like the person I'm leaving behind in myself. I'm still working on finding my happy medium, and I'm getting closer all the time. Even my friends and family notice it, and while some thing I'm a tad bitchy and snobbish these days, most are happy for me for finally standing up for myself and having a bit of confidence.
Dude, the fact that you are unapologetic for your feelings is why I absolutely love you. You're my bitchy soul sister.
You go on wit your bad self! Freaking love you!
THANK YOU for saying "intents and purposes" instead of "intensive purposes". I want to make out with you and tweak your nipple a little right now.
And also, I'm like the old you. I'm working on it.
I have noooo problems either!!!!
Ok, so I came across your blog from Allison's, and I HAD to comment on this one.
I am RIGHT there with you. I think you may have actually been reading my journal, which somehow I think means I can sue you for plagerizing my life and pretending it was your own, BUT since you seem to be in unapolgetic mode, I don't think you would care. Anyhow, I think this post rocks, and keep on keepin on with your no-bullshit self!
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