My Bday Queens

It's my BFF Sarah's bday today, and even though she hates sharing, she has to share this day with another important woman in my life, my mother.

I'm sure Sarah won't mind (or at least she'll get over it), because my mom is an amazing woman, just like her mom. In fact, our mothers are friends and probably spend equal amounts of time praying for their daughters to come back to the fold. Sadly, both Sarah and I kissed the Celestial Kingdom goodbye long, long ago. We'll probably get a free pass in, anyway, because our mothers are that Saintly (and yes, that's the Latter Day kind). And if we don't get in, we'll be having a blast, raising hell in.....hell.

I am the spitting image of my mother in mind, body, and soul. Well....okay, maybe not the body part. I look exactly like my mom, only I got shorted in the chest area and overcompensated in the ass/thigh area. It's sad that at almost 60, my mom looks better in Lycra than I do. But it's obviously because Jesus loves her more. She talks to him on a daily basis, where I cuss him on a daily basis.

So really, it's my own fault. But perhaps if I had been blessed with the perfect body to begin with, I might actually believe there was a Jesus and that he could make miracles happen.

And, Jesus, just in case you're reading this? It's not too late, buddy. I promise I'll stop making fun of you if you'll make my legs 2 inches longer and my chest 2 cup sizes bigger. Swear.

So now, let me talk about my girl Sarah. Sarah is one of my best friends, but so much more. She's a kindred spirit. She and I are so alike and share many, many things together, including a head full of anxiety, a closet full of shoes, and a desparate need for chocolate to be legally acknowledged as the SuperFood it is.

In fact, the biggest difference between us and the one thing that could possibly drive us apart is her absolute hatred of math. I have a plan to win her over, only I need her to come visit me for it to work.

Another part of my evil plan involves luring her away from SLC so she can move in with me and my BF here in SD. I might also allow Daisy to come, as long as Sarah doesn't mind my taping a vacuum hose to Daisy's tail and making her wear socks made of Swiffer dusters so that not only does she not leave nasty pet hair and such all over, but she'll actually clean up after herself, thereby making her the best pet ever. Sarah will thank me by letting me win our nightly pillow fights and giving me the last glass of wine out of the bottle.

Yeah, right.

Needless to say, these two women are one of the main reasons I contemplate moving back to Utah sometimes. Neither of them seems to be budging on the whole Moving to San Diego for Year Round Sun and Kel plan. Sarah seems to think fall boots are better than year-round flip flops. And mom has the whole wanting to be around other freaks....err....Mormons. So even though they clearly don't have their priorities straight, I love them anyway.

Happy birthday, ladies. I love you!