Last Will and Testament

I think I might be dying. I recently had a TB test done, and a small lump just under the size of the 10mm limit formed. The nurse insisted I was fine, but Scott is now convinced I have TB.


Somewhere during the course of the past few days, I have developed a very deep, nasty smoker's cough. What's that? You didn't know I was a smoker? Yeah, um, I'm not. I have asthma.


But when Scott returned after being out of town on business for a few days, he heard me cough and immediately ran from the room. Since then, he's been wearing a gas mask while around me and refuses to kiss me. And I think the HAZMAT suit might be going a tad overboard. I keep trying to explain about the asthma, but he's convinced my cough never sounded like this before and isn't taking any chances.
He's pretty sure I contracted it while in Utah. He heard once that authorities will conveniently overlook faulty immunization papers if you promise to be baptized into the Mormon church.


So, just in case I die, I wanted leave a list of where my posessions should go:

Lance Crash (aka my scooter)--including Bas-Ass Scooter Scarf--due to logistical reasons, I have to leave this to Sopko, since she lives in San Diego and has talked about buying one. However, since it's not Cubby blue, she may refuse to drive it, and I therefore leave it to Summer. I have no idea if Summer actually wants a scooter, but I figure she can keep Sarah company in the SLC and join the gang. (Sorry, Helmey, I just don't think white's your color). And don't ask how you're supposed to get the scooter from San Diego to Utah, because I can't be bothered with minor details. I'm dying.


Scarves--These, of course, will go to Sarah so she can continue to go to blogger/scarf bar parties in style and never wear the same scarf twice. Plus, she's the only one of my friends I feel right leaving my silk John Deere scarf with, since I know she'll rock it as only a country girl can.

Mountain Bike-- Since my bike and helmet are baby blue, I leave my bike to Sopko, who is obsessed with all things blue. I only ask that she actually rides it on the trails around San Diego and use it to pick up hot mountain bikers, something I always secretly wanted to do but couldn't due to having a serious relationship. And a boyfriend who always came biking with me.

Shoes--Well, I guess these have to go to my sister, Jamie, because she's the only one I know who has size 6 feet like me. Also, she lives on lots of land so her hubby can build them their own closet--which they rightfully deserve. But if anyone wants to try and fight her for them, be my guest. She's real mean and owns lots of guns.


Clothes--Hmmm....this is hard. Normally, I'd say my sister, Bobbi, but I pretty much buy her one of whatever I buy myself, so she already has my wardrobe. And Sopko can't possibly add anything else to her wardrobe without renting another apartment (oh, who am I kidding? she'll have to rent an entire complex). So, I'm going to have to think about this one.

My share of the Ginormous Mortage on a house in SoCal--This I'll have to leave to Scott, so he'll always have something to remember me by. That and my car payment. He'll probably die a lonely, sad old man because he never get over me. Or my debt.


Sewing Machine--Obviously this will have to go to Sopko, so she can carry on the grand tradition of sewing a dress that looks like it cost $2 at Big Lots but actually cost $70 in material and at least 10 good man-hours. Or at least make herself a slutty prom dress.


The rest of my stuff, such as purses and jewelry, are still up for grabs and I'm accepting applications by way of gifts and money. Thanks in advance for granting a dying girl her wish to not have to work for a living.