The First Day

Nine years ago I started teaching. I took a job at a 100% free lunch school in a classroom with students who were severely emotionally disturbed. The students had gone through 8 teachers the year prior.

But I had years of experience in this type of classroom, so I knew what I was getting into. I've been trained in behavior modification by some of the world's leading experts.  I knew what behaviors to expect and how to deal with said behaviors.  I went to work that first day confident I knew what I was doing.  I went to work that day wearing brand new 4" inch heels.

It's hard to say whether it was my throbbing feet or being called Barbie (not as a compliment, which baffles me to this day) that had me laying on my bed in tears at the end of the day.  I wasn't cut out for the job.  I couldn't handle it.  I did not know how I would make it through the year.

I made it through the year with help...and by help I mean margaritas  Seriously, I drank so much I gained 20 pounds that year.

But I made it.

I've made it through eight years now and I'm about to begin my ninth.  I still get nervous about the first day.  I still have nightmares about student anarchy and forgetting to wear clothes.  I still don't dare wear heels the first few days, because standing and walking around for 7 hours (minus a 30 minute duty-free lunch) is something you have to ease back into.

They say it takes 10,000 hours of doing something to become an expert.  According to the math, I hit expert status sometime last February.  Sometimes, I feel like an expert.  Other times, I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Always I feel nervous about the first day of school.  Always I feel unprepared and worried about what the year might bring.

But, ready or not, here I go again.