Losing it

I might be losing it.

The cracks are definitely beginning to show.

I'm so, so tired.  I am so, so annoyed.  All the time.

One minute I'm up, the next I'm down.  Two days this week I've felt as though I could burst into tears.  

I'm not a crier.

What the fuck is going on with me?

Is it hormones?  Is it an extended version of PMS?  Is it eight years of giving myself 10,000% to my job and finally realizing that the answer to the problem is not me working harder?  The answer is not me, not other teachers, pushing themselves more because we are chasing some goddamn unobtainable goal that was thought up of someone who knows nothing about what true education looks like.

But it's not just work, it's everything.

It's every time I turn around, the floor needs mopped.  The laundry needs folded.  Dinner needs to be cooked, lunches need to be packed, the dishes are dirty, Scott left the lights on again, the dog needs walked, it's Monday again, oh my god it never ends.

I might be depressed.

People laugh when I say this, because I don't look or act depressed, but it might be true.

That or my life is mundane.  Boring.

Imma bouts to do something crazy, just to stir things up, just to prove that this can't be it.

I fear the cracks are a sign that I'm going crazy.  Or, worse, stagnant.

What is this?