There's a party up in huuuur.

Frustration.

I don't do it well.

I've been known to throw temper tantrums when frustrated. I've thrown things, hit things, destroyed things.

Needless to say, I generally avoid situations where I will become frustrated. If I'm trying something new and it's not easy right away, I generally give up.

I know this is not the most healthy or adult way to handle things, but I actually have come a long way. I'm learning to stay calm in crazy situations, and I'm learning to calm myself when frustrated, to realize that it's never the end of the world...or at least it hasn't been up to this point.

I recently read an article in Newsweek (thanks for the subscription, anonymous friend((BTW, I totally know it was Sarah, though she has yet to fess up)) ) about a woman who decided to row solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She said there were definitely times she wanted to give up, but in the end, the only thing worse than continuing on was quitting.

This has inspired me, because recently, I have become frustrated at my job.

Quitting my job is not an option, but caring about it--or, more importantly, caring about the quality of my work-- is. I want my students to do well, I want to feel as though I'm making a difference. Sadly, "the difference" I make is judged by how well my students do on their assessments.

These scores, as of late, have not been pretty.

It is frustrating beyond belief.

I am at the point where I don't know what else to try. I feel that after seven years, I should be an expert at this. Instead, I just realize how far I have to go.

I am not the only one in this situation, I know a lot of us are feeling it. A lot of teachers are now feeling immense pressure to see their students perform on tests. A lot of us do not necessarily agree with the way we are judged. None of us have a choice.

And, while I am frustrated, while a part of me wants to give up, I know I cannot. It has nothing to do with the job and everything to do with the kids.

So I'll keep plugging on...and tomorrow, maybe I'll actually feel like I'm doing something right. For now, my pity party and I are going to try not to take it personal.