Football Top 5

I feel sorry for you if you don't watch football.

I love everything about the game, but, most importantly, I love the feeling of being a part of something in my community, a common interest I have with random people. (Is that sentence redundant? I don't want to have to think right now, so I'm leaving it.)

I know some people, like Sarah, hate the NFL. But Sarah doesn't know what I know.

Football players are fucking delicious to look at. And not just the players. The coaches, the cheerleaders. The water boys.

So, in case you're not a regular fan, I encourage you to study the following list of reasons you should be watching the game. Here are the top 5 reasons I watch football:

5. Kurt Warner--QB, Arizona Cardinals. Dude is hot. Or at least he used to be. I was in love with him last year but have now realized he's too old for me. Plus he has a wife and kids,and I'm not quite sure I want to be the bitch who breaks up the family.


4. Joe Flacco--QB, Baltimore Ravens. Pretty hot. And the good news is, he's single. Well, he has a girlfriend, but some would call that fair game.


Except he lives in Baltimore, and I believe it's cold there. And I hate cold. I guess he can keep his girlfriend for now.


3. Number 50, San Diego Chargers. I don't know his name. I can't figure out who he is because I think he's a bench warmer. All I know is he plays defense and lives in San Diego. And do I really need to know his name? All that matters is that he makes me really wish I were a groupie in every sense of the word. If you're not catching my drift, think Kardashian. Nuff said.

2. Matt Cassell-QB, Kansas City. He makes me want to sin really, really badly. There are, however, 2 reasons Matt and I wouldn't work: a) he lives in Kansas City. Um, I'm in Diego. I think I'll stay. b) his team never wins, which means he might just be a loser. And I'm not into comforting guys. Life is about being manly, yo.


1. Josh McDaniels--head coach, Denver Broncos. Just wow. Dude is smoking hot AND phenomenal at what he does. He and I fell in love the moment we met. You know, if we had actually met in person and not just via the telly. The point is, he wants to have my babies and live happily ever after in Denver. For this amount of hotness, I could endure the snow.

Please study list and determine which team you'll be watching the rest of the season. I promise you won't regret it.