Translation, Por Favor

Bitch.

Whore.

Whoreface.

Whoremonger.

Asshole.

Fucktard.

All names I use to address some of the people close to me. Which would make me the world's biggest asshole, but only if you didn't know me and know how sweet I really am (read: no really, I am a sweetheart).

The point is, I am not to be taken literally. After traveling this summer and having many people ask me if I really hate my sister, I realized that my facetious nature does not shine through on the Internet.

Therefore, I feel it necessary to translate some of my most commonly used words/phrases so that you all many know what I really mean

Translations:

Bitch: Bitch is reserved for anyone I consider one of my girls.
Ex: That bitch always looks cute.

Whore: Calling someone a whore (or any form of the word) means I'm jealous.
Ex: My sister is a giant whoreface because her house is bigger than mine and because she has a pool.

Asshole: Either I or someone else has exhibited an undesirable behavior. This is a temporary label.

Ex: I felt like an asshole when I told my friend it was "rad" that her dad
had passed away.

Fucktard: Douchebag.
Ex: He is the world's biggest fucktard for making me hike back up
that mountain because his stupid ass locked the keys in the car.

Dead to me: You done pissed me off. This lasts as long as it takes for me to get over it. Or until you send me shoes

Ex: Sarah is dead to me for not agreeing to move to San Diego so
we can be real-life BFFs.

Sweetie, Honey, Darling, Etc: I hate you.
Ex: Hey, sweetie, watch your back. Ho.

To be continued....