The state of California does not recognize that I am a teacher.
Instead, they make me go by the title of Education Specialist, which is just a fancy way of saying that I know everything. Or that I have a big tool box of strategies to help people who have learning disabilities and/or ADD.
I can never remember which of those my credential stands for.
Regardless, the going theory is that I should be able to apply these own strategies to myself, given the fact that I have an attention span the size of a.....
Wait. What was I talking about again?
No, really. That's kind of what a real-life conversation with me is like. I really do forget what I'm talking about midway through my sentence more times in a day than is probably legal. It's not that I have ADD, it's that I'm pretty much a genius. And when you're a genius, people can't expect you to focus on just one thing at a time.
Which explains why I was Twittering while going pee at the gym yesterday.
And, by the way, I know you're judging me right now for Tweeting and peeing, but you can bite me (refer to the genius thing).
So probably about the time I was patting myself on the back for having all these great strategies and how I'm totally saving the world one disability at a time, I realized I was late to step class.
I washed my hands and rushed to class.
And about 10 minutes later, I realized I'd left my phone on the toilet paper holder. I rushed back to get it, but it was gone.
I forced myself not to freak out and list all the way my life was about to be ruined. Instead, I went to the front desk in hopes that someone had turned in my phone. Here's the part where I somewhat sheepishly described it as pink and having a nude photo of me as a screen saver.
Okay, obviously I'm kidding with that description. I'd never own a pink phone.
But I did get my phone back and my life can now resume.
Lesson? Don't pee and Tweet. It could ruin your life.
4 comments:
Or at least lose your phone.
Dude. Peeing and tweeting. It sounds so dirty. Glad to hear there are still a few honest people out there and that you didn't loose your phone!
Do ya one better --- yesterday my pedometer fell into the toilet.
Seriously. I had it for like 6 years and only had to replace the batteries once.
It was after I flushed, so I did pull it out and dry it off, but a few hours later it ceased working.
That's not the only thing you shouldn't do whilest peeing. Just trust me on this one: Peeing should be your sole focus for the duration of the peeing. Do not spread the focus around. It can end badly.
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