And then there was Tuesday.
My day went smoothly enough. Actually less stressful than normal. And then completely out of the blue, I became extremely irritated when I got home. Maybe it wasn't out of the blue. Maybe it was the dishes those mothereffing boys never cleaned that were leftover from the night before. Maybe it was the incessant barking of the neighbor's dog.
Regardless, I lost it.
I took the damn dishes and smashed them against the wall. The boys can eat off the floor for all I care.
Then I stomped over to the neighbor's house to deal with the dog. The thing is, they leave the door open (screen door locked) and the damn dog stands right at the door and barks. It's a special kind of giant dog that barks only at annoying times like when you're getting home from a long day of having to listen to kids and all you want to do is sit in peace and quiet in your house. Or when you're trying to sleep. Or when you're trying to watch TV. Often times, we find ourselves humping to the rhythm of the dog's barking.
Anyway, the point is, I was fed up with the barking. So I went over to the house and and used pepper spray through the screen door to shut the little fucker up.
Who's barking now, bitch?
Then, in a surge of rebellion against practicality, I stuffed my face with chocolate and fruit snacks.
Hold on.....
Maybe I'm exaggerating. Or just plain lying. Really it didn't happen that way. That's actually the way it would have happened if I had any balls whatsoever.
What really happened is that I did the dishes and complained endlessly about the boys. To myself. Then I left a nice-ish note on the neighbor's door about the dog. And then I ate a sensible dinner, compliments of my favorite possession, otherwise known as Nev's slow-cooker.
But the first version is much more noteworthy.
Reality is so boring.
6 comments:
Don't sing the praises of having balls until you have to walk around with a pair of them.
If you ever do get a pair... when you are in Utah come on over - I have a neighbor who doesn't clean up after his dog that I would love to see you interact with.
I will bring the popcorn.
OMG, I almost FELL OVER when I read that you pepper sprayed a dog! I can totally see erm, myself, uh smashing dishes, but the dog thing would truly be nuts.
And as for why you're irritated, have you ever considered THE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS?! I come home irritated more days than not.
Mmmmmmmmmm. Fruit snacks. I bought a whole box of fruit snacks last night because they look like John Deere tractors and barns and stuff. Oh wait, so you didn’t eat the fruit snacks??? Neither did I, it was an impulse buy.
Pepper spraying the dog was hilarious!!!
You were my hero for a while there, and then I realized actually spineless like me.
Dishes often infuriate me. They don't wash thier damn selves, MEN OF THE WORLD TAKE HEED.
OMG! You had me for a minute! I couldn't imagine you smashing dishes because then you would have to... GASP! CLEAN THEM UP!
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