I know I shouldn't, but I am this close to going to lie in a tanning bed for, like, ever. It is not because I need a tan, though (a subjective statement obviously), but because I need it to feel alive.
Literally.
It's freezing balls here. There has been a constant cloud cover for what feels like the duration of my existence. It's raining now and will continue to rain throughout the day. And maybe the rest of my life. So if I lay in a tanning bed, at least I'll be roasting my insides enough to feel warm for a bit. Nothing says cozy like an over-cooked liver.
The thing is, our electric bill doubled last month. Doubled! And I'm cheap when it comes to stuff like that because, let's face it, materialism is way more important than comfort. So I don't mind layering up in order to avoid turning on the heater. As long as that means I have enough money to shop. Which, given the amount of traveling and other obligations I have this year, is looking bleaker by the minute.
Therefore, I have added a new affirmation to the list: I have tons of money. Tons of extra money to do all these things I need to do this year.
First stop? Tanning. So I can feel like a human and not a vampire.
Don't worry, I'll use sunscreen and I'll be thinking "I am healthy and am sooo above getting skin cancer" the entire time. We already know the affirmations are working, so obviously the plan is fool-proof.
I'm genius like that.
5 comments:
If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad. So soak up the sun. I hate it when the morning radio kicks on to Sheryl Crow. But, reading your blog is my favorite mistake.
Tanning is bad for you. Remind me to get you a pair of slippers socks. I am wearing some right now. They are soft, comfy, and snug. Sort of what I imagine it would feel like if I slipped my feet into a warm vagina. Heavenly. Am I wrong?
use the sunscreen but please keep the sunbathing to a minimum. Out here in L.A. some of these women look like alligator wallets when they get older. I learned my lesson just from seeing them
Stay out of tanning beds.
Don't you know it's a clever ruse for the implantation of Mind Control devices?
Skin Cancer isn't caused by UV rays, it's caused by over-exposure to psychotropic, mind-altering, behavior-modification toxins implanted by High-frequency wave bombardment in tanning beds.
Don't you read the papers?
I NEED to hop on this bandwagon before I drive into a snowbank on purpose.
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