I spent my entire Saturday, well into the evening, at cheer camp, guardian and ruler over 20 lovely preteens. And if cheer camp taught me anything, it's that being a parent, even the pseudo kind, is not something I'm ready for.
Don't get me wrong, I love kids. It's just that my love is less eternal flame and more battery from Family Dollar. You know, the cheap kind of battery that dies after only taking a couple of pictures on your camera or right before you finally understand what all the fuss is about the Silver Bullet.
Anyway. I love kids, just as long as they don't interfere with my life.
Which is why I freaked out a little when I realized exactly why I was feeling so achy, crampy, and generally miserable this morning, which makes twice this month.
Guess who hasn't taken any of her Pills since Wednesday?
Which could totally have been a close call if I had actually seen my boyfriend in the past week, what with him having a new video game and all.
So I guess he saved my world, as his magical hands massaged the controller on his PS3 rather than certain parts of my body. This bitch is definitely not past the selfish part of life and most certainly not ready to be responsible for another human for the next 18 years.
At least until tomorrow, when work requires it.
6 comments:
yeah.. umm...what does a coors light have to do with batteries?
Anyways...
What a lucky PS3 controller!
How ironic. Every time the silver bullet in our home makes an appearance, I can’t help but wonder what the werewolves do for pleasure.
But if I got anywhere near “Cheer Camp” I’d probably suffer a horrible fate along the same lines as Humbert Humbert.
And raising kids is a big job. I’ve only been at it for four months and it’s already whipping me pretty good. I keep asking myself, “How the hell should I know what to do?”
But that’s the beauty of parenting. Well…that and keeping monsters at bay.
Aww but a baby! They are cute. And when they are 8 they are super fun... especially when they get you a diet coke while your ass just sits on the couch watching Grey's.
You can never rule out immaculate conception, not until Aunt Flo pays her visit. I will light a candle for you.
Flip the circuit breaker to the man cave and superglue the breaker box door shut, but only after you get a month supply of morning after pills… I feel like I have just betrayed my gender…
That is inexcusable. Take it from a single gal who is not dating anyone and therefore not getting her "jollies"...go rape him right now. Seriously. When he asks where that came from, just tell him it was for your Utah girl who is getting no lovin and he can thank me later.
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