Too Much To Drink

Sometimes when I drink I exaggerate or say things I really don't mean, like, "Oh, yeah, I'll run a half marathon with you in January. That sounds fun!"


Ummm.....


Fun? Never in my life have I had a desire to run more than a few miles. I like running, as long as it doesn't involve me committing to more than an hour a day OR exerting more energy than it takes to mount a live rhino.


But fun? I guess you could call running 13.2 miles fun, but only if you're comparing it to a Monday morning or birthing a child.

Since I said I would, and since Neighbor is soo excited that she already bought me a pink tank and plans to screen print something fabulous on it, I can't bail out now. Plus, I figure this is a great way to not gain weight over the holidays. You know, since during this time of year our bodies naturally put on extra layers of fat to last through the long, cold winter.

What's that, I don't live in climate that has winter? Okay, fuckers, then during this time of year I choose to put on a layer of fat because eating everything in sight feels good.

There, I said it.


Besides, I'm worried about what will happen if I ever actually reach my goal weight? Will my life then become perfect? Will I become bored with my life and start eating people's pets just for fun? I'm thinking that might make me slightly less popular.

Probably I'll just have to set a new goal, since I do live in SoCal and you can never be too rich or too thin. The rich part waved goodbye to me long ago, so I guess I'll have to put all my eggs in the too thin basket. Only they'll be egg beaters since real eggs have too much fat.